One of the required books for my marriage class is “The
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman, Ph. D. and Nan
Silver. In it he states, “happy
marriages are based on a deep friendship.” If that is the case, then mine is a
happy marriage.
It’s hard for me to pinpoint when my husband became my best
friend. I’m not sure if it was when we were dating, or sometime after we got
married. Regardless, I know that how we communicate with each other has
influenced our relationship greatly.
I remember our first “fight” a couple months after we
started dating. We had taken a road trip (our first lengthy one) to California,
and at some point during our travels we got lost. I can’t remember what the
circumstances were, but I remember we both became annoyed with each other.
Whatever happened, it was a turning point for me in my feelings for him. I
valued the way he treated me in that moment, and how I was able to handle it.
Because of that I knew that we had a solid relationship.
Another reason I feel like we became best friends is because
I wasn’t afraid to talk to him about anything. For example, we talked about
pornography before we got married. I wanted to know what his exposure was
(because it is unfortunately inevitable these days), and if he still had a
problem with it. I was so scared to talk to him not necessarily because of what
his answer may be, but because it was uncomfortable. We had a great
conversation about it and it yet again solidified our relationship. From that
point on I knew that I could talk to him about anything.
One of the first myths Gottman debunks about marriage is
that effective communication and conflict resolution is not the key to a happy
marriage. It’s funny because that is exactly the advice I give to everyone I
know who gets married: communication is key! I still think that it is
incredibly important. I know that if I ever let things fester inside, I will
explode. I need to communicate with my husband daily about what is frustrating
me. I personally feel like communication is what prevents a lot of fighting in
my marriage.
Now of course there are reasons aside from our great, yet
still in need of improvement, communication that we have become best friends.
We are interested in the same things. We have similar humor. We like to be around
each other. We have common goals. These all seem like no-brainers when looking
into marrying someone. They say that opposites attract, but in my case, it
isn’t true. We are so similar in so many ways, and it has strengthened our
relationship for the better.
Here’s a picture of us, still happy, after spending 3 weeks 24/7 together
in Europe.
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