My Thoughts on Eternal Marriage

Words cannot express the gratitude I have for my marriage. We have been married just shy of two years and they have been the greatest years of my life. I have learned more about myself since marrying Tyler. We are so similar, but we have different weaknesses and strengths that compliment each other. The best part of our marriage is the fact that it is eternal. We were sealed in the Mesa, Arizona LDS Temple. This means that our marriage will last beyond the grave. We will be together forever. That is pretty romantic if you ask me. But beyond the romance, it gives us an eternal perspective. We see beyond the now. We work through any problems that arise because our marriage is meant to last forever, so we have to treat it that way.

In October 1996, Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy gave a talk in the LDS General Conference called Covenant Marriage. He talks about the difference between our temple “covenant” marriages and “contractual” marriages. He says that those in an eternal marriage give 100% while those in civil marriages only give 50%. While I think that is not necessarily completely accurate of all couples, it is true for most. When we are sealed in the temple, we make covenants with God and our new spouse to stay true to each other and work towards eternal perfection together. Therefore we strive to pour our heart and soul into our marriages.

In his talk he describes three different difficulties or “wolves” every marriage will face: “natural adversity”, our “own imperfections”, and “excessive individualism”.

Some things we cannot control, but how we handle them will make all of the difference. Natural adversities are things that are completely out of our hands. Things like death, infertility, natural disasters, etc. I’m sure every new mom experiences extreme anxiety about their newborn babies, and I was no exception. For the first few weeks of her life I was terrified of SIDS, and I still am. However, when she was so tiny my anxiety was exponential. My husband reassured me; he held me and sweetly said that if she was one of those choice spirits who gets called home early, we will be okay. Our baby is still with us, but that sweet reassurance of his faith and testimony was enough to calm my troubled mommy heart.

The other two wolves we do have control over: our own imperfections and excessive individualism. We can individually make goals and work on our weaknesses. After all that is what we are here for, to strive for perfection. We also must strive to focus on our spouse, instead of ourselves. We should not be so selfish to only think of our own wants and needs. I’m sure that marriages will withstand the test of time if each spouse focuses on the other’s wants and needs.

I know that I do not give 100% of myself to my marriage and that is something I need to work on. Distractions come and it is easy to get off track, but it is never too late to make changes. I would hope that whoever out there is reading my blog will take a long hard look at their marriages and find the things that they themselves can work on. I encourage you to focus on your spouse; what are his/her wants and needs? How can you meet those needs? Even if you are not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, you can strive to have a covenant marriage and give 100%.