My Thoughts on Cleaving to our Spouse and Power Relationships

My Thoughts on Cleaving to our Spouse and Power Relationships

“And at the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope, it was a command! “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity.” -Henry B. Eyring 

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we are taught that when we are married we are to “cleave unto [our spouse] and none else.” I have always thought this was such a beautiful concept. My life changed the moment I kneeled across the alter and was sealed to my husband. That act (marrying my husband) meant that I was promising to give up life as I knew it to create a new family with him. There have been times when I perhaps could have clung a little tighter to Tyler, specifically when we disagree on things.

For example, when we realized that we disagreed about vaccinating our daughter, I talked to his mom about our disagreement. Even though I didn’t say anything necessarily bad about him, it didn’t build our relationship. I should have kept that between us. I should not have discussed it with her-especially since I knew she would agree with me.

Since my husband is applying to medical school, it is imperative that I keep this principle in mind as we decide where to go. As of right now, we are only accepted into one school, so I won’t have to decide. However, I will have to choose how moving will affect my attitude. The school we’ve been accepted to is on the other side of the country. I really will need to cleave unto my husband during that time. I have no doubt that it will be a struggle for the both of us (adjusting to life on the other side of the country, away from family, and life as a medical student/wife). I also have no doubt that if we cling to each other and our faith we will make it out all right.

“When children become adults, the relationship between parents and children changes. In healthy families, the parents no longer exercise control or expect their adult children to obey them. Of course, parents still have the right to set household rules concerning appropriate behavior in their house, but they no longer have the right or responsibility to tell their adult children what to do. It is now the stewardship of the adult children to make decisions concerning their own families.”–Richard Miller 

The article we read by Richard Miller talks about parents leaving their children be when they are married. This is hitting close to home at the moment. I love my mom very much, but the last couple of weeks she has sent some frustrating texts. One was about a scouting activity of my brothers, explaining how she wants us to be there because family comes first and it would me a lot to him. The other was about what we should wear to Thanksgiving dinner. I know exactly what she expects of us (her children). She has raised me to know that family is important and that we should dress well for special occasions. The reason these texts bothered me is because I am an adult now. Not only that, I am a married adult who lives with her husband and child (not under her roof). I didn’t appreciate the texts because it felt like she was trying to micromanage my life. I don’t like having negative feelings toward her, but its how I felt.

Richard B. Miller, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009.

Henry B. Eyring, “That We May Be One,” Ensign, May 1998, 66.